Dating in YYC

Dating! It’s supposed to be fun, or that’s what they say. “They” being either relationship experts or people lucky enough to have repeated success, but for those of us who seem to hit a dead-end, its anything but fun. Its hell, actually, and there’s no way of sugar-coating it. Now that isn’t to say that every date I go on I premeditate it to be a crappy one, in fact it’s quite the opposite! New guy, new opportunity, new chance, that’s fair right? There’s no comparing him to other guys I’ve been on dates with, it’s a brand new, fresh, clean slate of opportunity!

I will say the dates are usually fun, entertaining full of laughter and smiles. So why is there no second date? I’ve watched “He’s just not that into you” probably 100 times, because it’s a feel good movie that you can laugh at and relate to at certain times. I also have the book – which came first and then became a movie, and have learned a lot. The subtle clues of “this is going nowhere” seem to be spot on. Here’s my issue: Date goes well, at first there’s chemistry, we like the same things, we enjoy the same activities and all is well, he makes me laugh, he seems to be smiling and enjoying himself, not glancing to see where the closest exit is or clock watching. Usually as the conversation progresses to what the other does for a living, I’m passionate about what my business is, I love it so much and enjoy talking about it. Problem is, the guys I’ve dated get intimidated when I tell them what I do. Lines like “wow, you’re so driven!” or “You’re so passionate!” are two lines I hear so often and it has become the tell all sign of where this date is going: nowhere.

I’ve dated a spectrum of guys too, from Doctors to Lawyers, Pilots to Mechanics and all of the dates seem to peak, plateau and plummet all in one sitting. I have no idea what it is I’m doing and that’s what makes it frustrating. Is being driven, independent, self-aware, confident, successful, strong etc. Negative? Is being a full package that big of a turn off you want nothing more to do with me? It sure is how it feels. I know I am not alone. I know several woman who are just like me, awesome, fun, successful driven and single. These women worked so hard to have what they do, is it so much to ask to have someone to share that with? I’ll bet when a potential suitor first starts talking to them the question of “How are you single?” is a question they are often asked. I know I get it all the time. Truth is I have so much to offer outside of my business life just need the opportunity to show you.

When I’ve been fortunate enough to find myself in a relationship with someone the pre-breakup line I constantly hear is “You can do so much better than me.” Here it comes. On the surface me vs. a Doctor and being told that line is tough to fathom, but truth is I can do much better, the job title is just a title, if we don’t share the same morals, drive, grit etc., it won’t go anywhere. I think the worst thing a person can do is idolize their partner and look up to them as though they aren’t equal to them. Sorry but, I don’t care what job title you have, we are equal and our relationship isn’t a competition.

Last year I went on a date, a great date actually. So much so he repeatedly told me, I’d love to do this again, and was genuine and I so badly wanted it too. I was actually excited to hear from him the next day – but never did. Thats when it dawned on me, he gave me all the lines I always get when the date isn’t going anywhere after the first one. I seriously hoped that maybe he was strong enough to accept me for me, but I guess not. It had been a while that I was bummed out after not hearing from someone, the previous dates were all par for the course, but this guy blindsided me. Why do guys want girls who are either impressionable or moldable? I give those two options because its the how it seems on the outside. The girls who act like sheep, who do as their man tells them, dotes on him over and over, create drama out of nothing, cry over stupid things and get upset if he happens to want a guys night out, are in relationships?

Those girls are great for right now, but long-term, mothers and life partners they are not. So how long do the driven self-sufficient women have to wait before we get our chance to make someone’s world? To have our experience of happiness and unconditional love? If guys want to know where the good girls are, start door knocking on friday nights, chances are we’re marathoning the latest TV series new to Netflix, makeup less, in our sweats with a big bowl of popcorn. ūüėČ

This post isn’t to come across as poor me, I’m hard done to, because I’m not, nor am I defined by my relationship status, its a simple observation that I wanted to get off my chest.

 

 

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The Rise After a Fall…or two.

We all face rejection. Though one could argue that the¬†generation beneath us doesn’t and won’t; what they experience seems to be an airy fairy “you’ll get ’em next time.” When in actual fact the kid needs to be told that with harder work and dedication comes success, comes the honour of achieving the goals set by themselves, shapes them for a well-rounded future that will allow them to feel devastation, and the excitement of conquering a challenge. A handout won’t get them there.

This post isn’t about my opinions on a younger crowd though. This one is about what I went through that lit the flame of determination beneath me to do well and prove I was better than what had already been predetermined in the eyes of someone else. When I was younger I faced the devastation of getting cut from a soccer team I so desperately wanted to be on. I later learned that the team I was cut from was bottom of their league. My team was on their way to provincials where we’d win gold. So the lesson learned from that is you can always take something away from failure, which can also lead you onto a path to something better, it hurts at first but the universe may have a different path you didn’t see yourself on and that’s ok too!

When I was in High school I switched from Catholic system to Public system. I approached my Science teacher to thank her for the handwork at maintaining a class full of teenagers and that I’d miss her next year and broke the news that I was switching schools. When she asked “Why?” I responded, telling her that the basketball program was far superior and this was my opportunity to get a scholarship and make something of myself. Without hesitation my favourite teacher who was there to help me through tough science classes blurts out “You’ll never make the team, there’s no point in switching schools, if you were going to get a scholarship you could get one here” That was the first time I’d ever experienced someone shutting down my dreams and being so adamant that I was destined to fail. Her words have stuck with me since that day. Not only did I switch schools and make the team, I also won rookie of the year, with some serious competition in the category of nominations. Hater 0 Me 1

Circumstances lead us to switch schools yet again, and I finished the remainder of my Highschool in Calgary. I fell into a depression leaving my hometown of great life long friends to being the loner at a new school that no one knew. Now you know in high school it really is about status, or so my ego told me. My grades slipped from high 80’s and 90’s to struggling to get passing grades. I hated school now. Nothing my teachers taught was interesting anymore. I fell sick in March of my grade 11 year, which caused me to miss the remainder of my classes and their finals. I failed spanish and barely passed any remaining course I had. Grade 12 hit, I took a ton of summer school classes, seriously, both online classes and in class ones. I packed in 3 or 4 classes in 2 months to pull my grades up. Fast forward to last semester of grade 12. Fast forward to the last day of Social class right before my exams and my Social teacher pulled me aside and asked me if “I had plans for next year” Truth is I was barely staying afloat in his class, it was some of the worst teaching I’d ever had. Excuse after excuse, I never took ownership of my part to play in it all. When he asked me that question it hit a nerve. I replied back with “yes, I do have plans after high school and while university might not be part of that plan right now, you can be damn sure that I won’t end up working a dead-end job or being a dead beat like my grades might indicate.” Truthfully as I walked down the hall after leaving his class I had no clue what I was going to do, but the power within me told me to just believe that I was capable of whatever I wanted, not to let some mini van driving, social studies teacher cast me in the light of the degenerates.

Here I am today. Running my own successful business that I absolutely love. Words cannot express how happy I am with my line of work, the choices I made when I was younger certainly impacted my future, but despite the mistakes I still feel that I have overcome the obstacles my teachers set out for me. We don’t always know how our future will look, but it is up to us to believe in ourselves. As long as the fire of passion, determination, grit and drive burn within you, you can do anything. I will continue to embrace my doubters and supporters as one massive ball of fuel that will keep me going. I’d like to thank my soccer coach, science teacher and social studies teacher who thought I’d amount to nothing as there is nothing sweeter than revenge by proving them wrong.

 

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Forget about Future Happiness

Now lets be clear, the title isn’t what you think it is. Of course we all want happiness in both our present lives as well as our future. What this post is about is forgetting about how we say “we will be happy” in the future and be happy in the now; let me explain.

I am a huge self-help, positive and healthy living junkie, it is almost like an addiction for me and its how I chose to live my life. That said I’m not going to preach to you about my views in public or host a group session to have my opinions shoved down your throats. I won’t share my thoughts with you, unless of course you ask, then watch out because it will be information overload about how one can live a better life and yes, no matter your situation you can live a better life, how you live each day is a choice. Recently several friends have come to me in a down and out stage in their lives and have asked me how to overcome it. The common trend among those I’ve talked to have said things like, “I’m not happy in my relationship, I hate my job, I hate my body, I’m too fat or I’m too skinny, or I’m not happy because I’m single,” the list of course goes on and on. But when I ask them what will make them happy they either say “When I get a better job” or “When I get married” and a whole other list of “When I’s.” Typically my response to them is why can’t you be happy now? Often, I get a perplexed look because they just told me all the struggles they’re going through and so how could they possibly be happy? Truth is our happiness depends on the choices we make for ourselves, at one time that job, relationship or that income bracket made us happy, but over time things changed and they grew out their current lifestyle they were initially happy with or things changed, including their attitudes and some started to listen to the voice inside them that highlighted all the negatives in their life or particular area of unhappiness.

Happiness is a choice and that doesn’t mean that the choices that we make will keep us happy forever, but in that moment it will fill your happiness “bank” and you’ll be on top of the world again. With life we grow, we get complacent and then realize that time is ticking and we finally get it that we’ve been miserable for a while, so its time to make a change. When we listen to the voices inside our heads that tell us to hate something or feel mad, upset or unhappy thats exactly what comes to fruition we see everything we dislike as a highlighted object and the things we enjoy becomes desaturated and mundane. Its time to consciously become aware of that voice in our head and IGNORE it. ¬†It really is easy, you have to change your thoughts about things, embrace the positive things around you. For everything negative thought you think, think of two positives. Also I’m not promoting that you stay in the position you’re in, I’d strongly suggest leaving the job or person or whatever is making you unhappy and going out to find what will boost your mood. A friend of mine said, “well I just can’t be happy when I just broke up with my ex” while I agree, I’ll give time to sort through the feelings and emotions of it all, it sucks, we’ve all be there and there’s nothing wrong with a couple day pity party. But there is a point where you can’t only hold on to the unhappiness that comes along with a break up and thats when you can start asking the questions of “Why, How, and When” in any situation. I can guarantee if you start to constantly dwell on a past experience for months and months the people who were there to listen once, won’t be there to listen forever. Its tiring for someone to listen to a mopey, “poor me” person after being told countless times suggestions for moving on. I get it, you have to choose to move on, but until you do, please don’t come to me if you aren’t willing to make a change and be your happy self again. No one likes a debby downer, right? Here’s a few questions to ask someone who’s unhappy:

Why: Why did you stay so long? Why did you grow complacent?  Why did you start to feel unhappy? 

How: How did you get to this point of unhappiness? How did you stop loving myself/my partner/myself/etc? How can you be happy? 

When: When did things go downhill? When did the negative thoughts start to overrule the positive ones? 

Notice how there is no “who?” When you ask ¬†“Who?” a list pops up in their head, mostly relating to Who’s to blame or who made them unhappy. We’re moving forward now, so the person/persons/things etc that made them unhappy will now become a distant memory. By asking those questions and putting them on the spot, it makes them actually think. Sometimes its easier to be asked a question than it is to figure out issues going at it alone.

Time to shed the damaged goods your carrying and head out on a quest to be happy. Find a new job, live a single life or join a social group, join a gym etc. Dig deep to Answer the questions or why you’re unhappy, what caused you to be unhappy and when did it all start. If you can answer those questions then face it, accept it and move on. No more “I’ll be happy when…” You can’t bank happiness like money and once you’ve saved up enough decide when you’re ready to use it. You’re given a new day each day and its up to you to fill up the meter and use every ounce of it that day. ¬†There’s no promise the next day you face will be awesome, we all have troubles and things that unexpectedly happen and negative influences we haven’t yet cut out affect us, thats life, but you’re given a new opportunity each any every other day to live in a state of happiness, don’t hold onto the past difficulties and bring them to a new day. Reset and start over and start over and start over, it takes practice!¬†

I am happy now because I’ve chosen to be, I also don’t live in a fantasy land where everything is perfect, but how I choose to handle each situation is why I’m happy. Our future is every hour, every second, every day that we’re granted. There’s no light thats going to turn on that flashes “Now you can be happy” no act of God that demands happiness starts on a certain time or day for you and it isn’t a Facebook event you can attend. I also hate to break it to you, but just because hit your “I’ll be happy when…” goal doesn’t mean you’ll be happy, things change, how people are change and that raise you wanted may be so menial, but you got it so shouldn’t you be thrilled? Start today, push out the negativity, negative thoughts, think about the positives and live a fulfilled life. We only get one shot at this life, so live it the best you can.

I’d like to add that I’m not a professional in psychology or self-help, these are just tips and tricks that works ¬†for me. I shared this with you to offer a different angle and shed light differently on a topic we all face. I hope you enjoy today’s post!

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Single on Valentines day? Thats OK!

If you’re like me this year you’ll be spending the day of love single and solo. But being single isn’t a negative thing! Valentines Day is often called the Hallmark Holiday, which I suppose if you’re in the card business its one of your busiest few days.

I know some of the people that I’ve spoken to get down and out about being single on Valentines day. Big deal, you were single the day before and it wasn’t a dramatic, “my life is ending, #foreveralone” drama fest, so don’t let it be that on “the day.” Being single myself I decided maybe others might need a few tips on things they can do for themselves or distract themselves. So here are my tips, idea’s and suggestions!

If receiving a lovey dovey letter is what you want to receive on Valentines Day, take some time a few days before and write yourself and awesome, kick ass letter about what you love in your life and how awesome you are! Oh, you mean it has to come from someone else? Only nice things can be said in a letter from someone else? Negative! You’ve got to love yourself, before someone else can truly love you. ¬†I’m serious though, grab a piece of paper and pen and start scrolling all the beautiful things about yourself. Not only will this trigger your brain to think about the things you love about yourself but it should boost your mood and hopefully put a smile on your face. This isn’t just for girls either. Guys you’re allowed to do this too, don’t worry your secret is safe with me. If during the day you begin feel a bit down open that letter up! If chocolates or flowers are your thing I’d suggest treating yourself to a sweet treat too.

Make one bitchin’ breakfast for yourself. Bacon, eggs, pancakes, fruit, whatever. Start the day off right! I might even suggest some freshly squeezed orange juice as well. A cold glass of OJ?! What can beat that? One mixed with vodka or champagne of course ūüėȬ†

Next tip is Pamper yourself! Either go get your hair done, change up the colour and style or go for a mani pedi combo, or even hit up a spa and go for a massage, facial, chemical peel or whatever strikes your fancy. Way I see it is, if you were dating someone on this day, you’d be putting money out to treat them, but since your single treat yourself! If you’re sitting there saying, nah none of that is my thing, perhaps buy yourself a new outfit, get that game you wanted, whatever, these aren’t the rules just suggestions!

Have a singles dinner. Listen, it may feel like you’re surrounded by couples and you’re the only single one but I can assure you there are so many people who are in your exact same position, but that shouldn’t stop you from going out and enjoying yourself. Valentines day isn’t a day where the single people are supposed to lock themselves behind closed doors because they weren’t worthy of a date. So grab a group of friends and get out there. Hey, maybe even a friend might decide to bring a single friend of theirs to potentially do some of their own matchmaking. Cupid comes in many different forms, but if you stay at home you’ll never know.

Hit the gym! Like I mentioned you aren’t the only single person who’s going about the day, lots of people at the gym and who knows maybe you’ll meet someone cool there. Ladies, get a guy to spot you to break the ice. From there you can banter back and forth and hey you might have just made a new gym buddy or more. Now i know many of you say you can’t meet people at the gym, but guess what you sure can and if you go often enough you develop a pattern say “hi” in passing or comment on how great their dead lift looks. Assuming they aren’t completely oblivious to the faces they see you will be someone they remember. Of course there’s still the guys or girls who will act like you don’t exist and thats fine too, move on, you’re not out to beg for someones attention. The gym will boost your mood and make you feel happy. When people work out this healthy glow comes over them, you can be the most beautiful person in shorts and a t-shirt and I guarantee someone will notice. Make sure to smile, be yourself, and remember that being friendly isn’t uncool, its attractive and rare.¬†

Watch that Rom-Com you could have dragged your man into, pop some popcorn and munch on some candy. If that ins’t your thing then grab some wine and cheese and enjoy yourself. Again, there’s no skimping out on yourself, today. Its a day of love, so treat yourself! Don’t want to do this alone, call up those friends and either have a movie night, or pull out some board games and have an evening that is spent doing something you enjoy.

Whatever you do, don’t sit at home and refresh Facebook or twitter you’re going to depress the shit out of yourself over the couple status’ over how great their partner is, combined with kissing photo’s and I can guarantee there will be engagements. I could get started on engagements on holidays and birthdays but I won’t. Just stay off social media and spend the time loving yourself. Also keep in mind that just because people are in relationships, doesn’t mean they’re happy or in love. You can’t rely on someone else to make you happy or feel loved, it starts with you. Please do not enter relationships with a ton of issues and expect someone else to fix them, take the time off, work on building a better you – physically or mentally.

If you decide to do something for yourself that you know you will enjoy I can guarantee that you will have the best day. There’s absolutely no reason that you should feel being single is a red strike against yourself and nor should you feel that you are unlovable or not worth being spooned, and hey, you may actually have a better day than the couples on Valentines day. ūüėČ

 

Here’s to being single and making a day of love just as important for us as it is for the couples!

 

 

 

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Biggest Loser winner and my concerns.

I’ve gotta get something off my chest! No surprise, which is why you’re so lucky to read this.¬†

Here goes…

 

***SPOILER***

If you watched Biggest Loser last night, you know who won. Rachel won, and I’m pretty sure many people watching the show wanted her to win since we started watching her from the beginning. She is a young 23 year old girl who has an amazing passion for life and has achieved any goal she set for herself. One of them being titled the biggest loser. When I turned my PVR I was silently rooting for Rachel to win, as the revealed all the success of the at home efforts of cast off contestants from Season 15. I’d laugh and cry at the amazing transformations these people had and saw a new found love for themselves – something many had been lacking for many, many years. When it was time to show the final contestants I was so excited. First out was Bobby, he’d lost a tremendous amount of weight and looked good, but almost too thin – for my taste – its his body so rock on my friend and congratulations on overcoming obstacles and challenges that caused you to gain all your weight.

Second out was David, and I love David’s outlook on life. He’s one of the most positive people I’ve ever had the privilege of getting to know – even if he has no idea who I am. The guy has heart, a big heart too, that is so full of love it radiates from him. David looked amazing and lost an incredible amount of weight and looked fit and healthy too.¬†

Lastly the reveal Rachel, and before they did I had images of what Rachel would look like as I know she was a determined young lady on the show, that even when they weren’t filming she would continue to excel and kick some major ass. The excitement I had to see her was that of a child on christmas morning so stoked to open gifts under the tree, but what emerged from the back stage onto set was the saddest, happiness crushing thing I’ve ever seen, imagine that gift you just opened is the knock off – not so great version of some toy you wanted, but you smile, accept and evaluate your reaction. My reaction went from ecstatic kid on christmas to a kid finding out that Santa isn’t real – crushed. Rachel walked out on stage and all the strength and muscle we’d watched her gain was gone, she looked so Gaunt, anemic and the most unhealthy contestant I’ve ever seen in my life – dramatic weight loss or not, most people have this beautiful glow to them. Healthy people just do, I can’t explain it. Rachel looked like she was at deaths door. [Click here]¬†and [here] ¬†Now I’ve evaluated this, and I am in no way saying that she didn’t do work to get to where she was, nor am I accusing her of having an eating disorder, I’m definitely not out to start a rumour on someone. My main concern is this…

with a $250 000 prize for being the biggest loser at what point do you say enough is enough? Maybe i’m training too hard and maybe, just maybe this is too extreme? My health and time above the earth is so so important to me that it out weighs any dollar amount that could be presented. I have a few questions:

I can only assume that Rachel wasn’t isolated in the 3-4 months she had off camera. Assumably she has friends and family that had seen her. Why didn’t they speak up? When we, alone with Rachels parents saw her at make over week she was stunningly beautiful. Maybe had 10-15 lbs left to lose if she really really wanted to, but even that would be “extreme”¬†

Its evident that Rachel has an issue, she was “obsessed” or “addicted” to food, once they battled that issue it was an obsession to meet every goal she set out – go girl, I love a go getter, goal setting achiever, I’m the same way. But when it comes to health, weight etc. You cannot be so obsessed with losing weight that you lose yourself along the way and I mean literally. The Rachel I saw on stage was no longer a fellow athlete I looked to as a great inspiration I saw a very troubled soul that is obviously needing more help that she was able to receive during her time on the show. It was one extreme to another.¬†

Now lets be very clear here. There are many variations of what healthy is. I get the wide span, I wasn’t born yesterday and I have been healthy for a better part of my life and thats been from 145 lbs-170 – I get it. What I absolutely do not understand are the comments people are making calling people “haters” for her dramatic weight loss. Tweets and comments like ” wow when she’s fat, she’s not good enough, then loses the weight and then she’s too thin can’t make anyone happy” my immediate reaction is to give these girls – mostly younger, highschoolers a huge lesson that being bone thin and anemic and sickly is not healthy. What most people are trying to get across when they said “Wow Rachel is too thin” isn’t “wow I am jealous” its of CONCERN its ” Holy shit, she’s lost a ridiculous amount of weight (great) but is she healthy? (hmm..) Are there more issues than she told us. Its out of concern. Anyone trying to white knight her and say she looks great obviously doesn’t have a grip on reality. If you go to a mall, and look at all the people you walk by, how many people that thin (not talking about thin hot girls – I assure you Rachel is smaller) do you see? I can absolutely assure you its not many.

 

Blaming the trainers. Really? The trainers did their job until the last day of filming then its boom, you’re off the ranch, great job guys, you still have work to do if you want to win – everyone becomes “At home” and its best of the best. Bob and Jillians Reaction, not to mention other contestants saw her and their faces said it all. “Holy fuck” – concerned – not jealous or as a hate on for her. CONCERNED. End of discussion on that. Everyone looking to blame someone for how Rachel turned out need point the finger at Rachel. I hope for this girls sake that she’s able to achieve a healthy weight and the happiness that she deserves.

 

 

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Takes Courage…

Its been quite some time since I’ve posted anything. To update you on things, I won’t hold much back, you get the dirty details from the inside out if you so choose to read this. Please note this entry isn’t for you, the reader, but more so a therapeutic way for me to release what was, in order to move forward and let the healing and the ¬†start of new chapters begin. I’m by no means depressed or sad, overall I’m a very happy person. I believe that in order to overcome things, we need to share what has kept us back for so long.

If I’m to be honest I don’t even know where I left off. It could have been explaining my breakup with a close friend, turned partner, who I’d loved dearly, and later learned that feelings weren’t reciprocated. I’ll give you the “coles notes” version from the start onward and like always I won’t use names as I’d hate to be accused of giving anyone a bad name, whether they deserve it or not.

What would now be close to three years ago, I lost someone I would deem my first love – not that he knew it or knows it as I was too scared to say anything and things were fairly new. Everything was great – for me (and assumably for him). We got on like a house on fire, and spent a ton of time together. ¬†I’ll ¬†save you the “Aww’s” and “how cute” stories and just fast forward to the end. He left his temporary job, after losing his full-time job due to the recession, he searched high and low for a few months for a job that suited him best, but with no luck, he was forced to make a decision that would change the outcome of “us” forever. With no Job here and his family out East he decided that it was best to move back, be with his family and go back to attend school. I supported his decision though it tore me up inside for what would be many years later. We parted ways and the rest has been history, we’ve had little to no communication, unless engaged or started by him about little things only the two of us could joke or laugh about. As much as I’ve wanted to reach out, I always felt that it would be awkward, or make it harder for me to move on (more-so than it already was.) He’s since moved on and I’d like to believe he’s happy and feel that if he’s been able to find the strength or opportunity then I need to do the same.It was a constant struggle to move forward and believe that I’m deserving of a relationship like that again.

I took a year off dating after that breakup and waltzed into the beginning stages of a relationship with someone, who (at the time) I deemed a very close friend. For the first time in a while I thought I’d be lucky again, I’d be sharing experiences with someone I cared about and who cared about me. But that wasn’t the fairytale for me. What I’d found out during the course of our time together was that on nights I didn’t spend overnight, he was shacking up with Girls off popular dating websites. The first warning came from a mutual friend who said he’d been “sexting” girls on his phone while they worked on their cars. Not wanting to be the girl who snoops through his phone, I asked him outright. Countless denies, believable denies, that nothing was going on came from him and I trusted him, my friend must’ve been jealous over two friends making what was looking like a solid relationship work. Next warning was his roommate, now she had no evidence they were sleeping together, but she informed me that girls were coming over “late at night.” Eventually enough was enough and I’d had enough suspicions and “tip offs” to call things quits. I certainly believe that I was better than being “just another girl” so I did what was best for me and left. Spent Another year single, dwelling on the great times I once had and how I was able to love and feel it in return.

About a year later I found myself in another relationship with a nice guy, who claimed to currently be going through a divorce and had been separated for a year, but the cost of divorce was too much which is why things ¬†weren’t official. Something didn’t seem right. I’ve always been told to trust my intuition or my inner voice, and I did just that. For a few months I couldn’t quite put my finger on things. He is a pilot so his schedule is erratic as is his availability, a few times he’d be in a small city outside ours “stuck” at the airport due to the weather and wouldn’t make it home that night. He’d tell me how sorry he was he couldn’t make it, and for the rest of the evening would become MIA. No texts, no emails, or phone calls would be answered or returned until the following day, mid day. Red Flag, much? The final straw was the day after a night out with friends, he and I decided to grab dinner and catch up. While at the restaurant we’d chosen he’d asked me if I got a text he’d sent the night before, which I hadn’t, so he willingly passed me his phone show me what he’d sent. When I was looking at the conversation, it looked like our conversation with the missing texts I didn’t have on mine, but for what ever reason I looked at the recipient at the top of the text and It appeared I was looking at a conversation with “John”. The night when we first met was a tipsy night so it was, apparently “easier to save my number under a contact he already had,” he explained . After about 3 months of dating I didn’t understand why I’d ¬†“still”be saved under a John, his story would have been plausible maybe for that initial first night, but 3 months later, I wasn’t buying the bullshit. After my questioning of whether or not he was ever going through a divorce it eventually came out that he and his wife were still married and currently living together. The nights he couldn’t make it weren’t because of plane issues at all. That was the end of that, A double life I’d have no part in.

Over the last year I’ve been talking to a few people, all with the same feedback, “you keep your cards close”or “you don’t open up much, whats your story.” For the longest time I didn’t know, didn’t feel I had damage or was hurting, truthfully ¬†I had no idea why I’d go on what appeared to be a great date and never hear back, I later learned it was because I was so shut off. Subconsciously I think I did it as a defence mechanism to avoid getting hurt, and it wasn’t until recently where I spilled my past to a friend that I realized why I’d been so off, why great dates weren’t going further than a few, it had everything to do with the energy and vibe I was giving off.

When I opened up to this person, he said, “Everything is crystal clear now” I guess he’d noticed my guard was up despite my not knowing there was one to begin with. My main focus now isn’t to dwell or constantly look back on how I’ve been treated, but move forward with how I should be treated how I deserve to be treated, that I am allowed to love and be loved. So now begins a new chapter, a new me, and a new life‚Ķ

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100 Days of Gratitude

I’d be lying if I said I came up with the idea on my own. Truth is the idea came from Judson Laipply, if you don’t know who he is, click here for his website, and if you still don’t know who he is click here and you will.

In his blog he makes reference to the “Secret” and law of attraction; “When we believe something we will seek that which validates our beliefs while ignoring the rest”. If we are able to take one step on focusing on what we are grateful for, rather than focus on the negative things in our lives, then chances are the negatives will seem less important and less of our daily “focal point.”

Now While Judson decided to do 100 facebook updates, I’m encouraging you to share your gratitude, big or small, on any social media platform you desire. Too often I’m seeing how someone “dislikes” this, or pick themselves apart for “not being good enough” or “not being pretty enough” you know what I’m talking about right? Well if you do or don’t that’s fine. ¬†By setting this as a 100 Day challenge or task (whatever you want to call or consider it) I believe it has the capability of changing our way of thinking, I’m not saying it will be easy, but chances are it won’t be that difficult either. I, myself am done focusing on my hardships and issues. It’s now time to reflect on what I do have and where I’m at. How I begin to feel will reflect on others, I’ll feel better about myself, I’ll be introduced to the ‘right’ people, versus the wrong ones I may associate myself to because of my negative way of thinking. Like attracts like remember?

Now some may say, “Well if I had _____, I’d be grateful” “It‚Äôs the classic¬†act vs. feel¬†argument that people are constantly using as a justification for their misery. ‚Äú The belief that our actions our dictated by our feelings when in reality they are more closely tied together if not the other way around. Feelings are created by action and it‚Äôs action that we have direct control over. William James, a founder of modern psychology sums it up nicely”

Now I’m not saying, go out, cut ties with everyone because your new way of thinking will give you better friends, not at all. Things take time, maybe i the people you associate yourself with will change too, maybe you will out grow one another. Perhaps because your way of thinking has changed so much that you’ll eventually decide that you can’t and won’t be associated with someone who hates everything about their life.

 

See life for what it is.

So starting today, I ask that you either, share in the comment section below one thing you’re grateful for, tweet, text, facebook, update where ever you feel the need to. Share with those around you.

If you’re doing it over twitter I’d ask that you hashtag #100DaysOfGratitude

The more people who can be influenced and guided the better. No one deserves to feel badly about themselves or their world around them, so help them see whats good in their life.

 

 

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Ask a question, accept your answer.

Its close to 2 am as I write this, but here goes…

From the famous song lyrics¬†of Abba “Take a chance on me”¬† that’s what I had¬†tried and hoped for and was slapped in the face.¬†I suggested to a good male friend that maybe we expand our friendship and take the path less travelled. They seemed down for the idea and gave me the impression things were good and we were on an equal understanding of what we both wanted. So after a month or so of hanging out, it was only fair for me to want to know where¬†we stood and¬†where we were¬†going and if there was a chance at making what was a great start to (What seemed like)¬†a budding relationship, ‘official.’

So¬†to clear the air and my questioning mind,¬†I asked them how they felt things were going. Since the beginning I’d always¬†felt like I was giving all or most of the¬†affection, and showing a genuine¬†interest, and getting very little back.¬†I’d¬†assumed one of two things, they don’t show much affection, or they just weren’t that interested. So I after I asked I braced myself for their answer.¬† Let me tell you, it was a¬†surprise when I found out they announced they¬†just wanted to be friends. Was I overly shocked? Not really. Did I feel used and played? Absolutely (which they assured me wasn’t the case at all; currently still trying to believe that, though) They then asked me if I was upset. Upset? Not even close. I was and still am¬†supremely disappointed in myself, allowing myself to be led along believing there was a hope in hell that the “too good to be true” feeling was actually foreshadow “you’re about to hit a brick wall any minute because reality doesn’t let you have anything too good to be true without consequences or supreme disappointment…” ¬†but it was.

I was fed the lines of “I don’t want to risk anything. And it’s not like me to not take a risk but we’re better off as friends” Which¬†in my mind after cutting out the crap¬†reads like: “You just aren’t good enough for me to take a risk on”

Truth is, I don’t think I actually care so much that things didn’t work out, I’m much more embarrassed¬†about everyone who saw the¬†facade and assumed what I did, that everything was good, that it was an easy transition from friendship to something better. Or was I the only one ignorant to the fact that it was really nothing? Was (or is)¬†everyone around me laughing, and saying “What a sucker she is for thinking something¬†was going to develop”¬† behind my back?

Those are questions I won’t ask.¬†There are many questions I have that I won’t ask either. Why? Just not worth it and¬†they really don’t matter now.

This all happened a few hours ago. So I’d say that given how fresh the ‘wound’ is I’m doing well. As much as I’d love to write about how utterly pissed off I am due to all the mixed messages I’d received which allowed me to believe I had something real. I, At least in the end,¬†will¬†show the same respect I had¬†from the beginning, and don’t wish to come across like a woman scorned.

If who this entry is about reads this. You knew¬†I wrote blogs based on good, bad,¬†and ugly experiences, so this would be no different. I didn’t reveal your identity, nor did¬†I slander you. I¬†simply wrote how I felt and I hope you can accept that.

Admittedly, I did expect them, of all people to step up to the plate. But instead, I’m the only one striking out. Which recently, seems to be the story of my life…

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple” – Dr. Seuss

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What is a Best Friend?

Friends they come and go, but a Best friend sticks by yourside.

I have a best friend, I may even have two.

They know who they are and I don’t need to tell them that. These two people I can go to with any question, concern, situation and idiotic thing in the world and tell me straight up if I’m being overly sensitive, irrational, or often times tell me I should speak up and say something and defend myself.

Although geographically we aren’t close, our connection to one another will always remain tighter than any bond you could have with a person¬†and at times we do lose touch due to our busy lives, but lets face it, we always come back to one another. There’s a connection between us like a magnet, our bond is inseparable. I’ve seen every side to my best friends, I’ve shared laughter, hard times, accomplishments, amazing experiences, Vacations, breakups, and… well… you get the picture. We’ve been each others partners in crime (not real crime). We’ve been there as a wing man, and we’ve been the friend who became a cock block. I’ve seen both of these people cry their eyes out for different reasons, I’ve been the strong supportive and non judgemental friend, ¬†and they are the same for me.

Thank you to my two best friends, who would never hurt me emotionally, mentally or physically,  who will be by my side and understand and accept me no matter what the circumstance.

I look forward to seeing one of my BFF’s in a matter of weeks, getting rid of all the recent bullshit in my life, having a girls day and remembering why it is I am to enjoy life. I look forward to the reminder and hope that the next few weeks blow by, I could use a fresh start.

Thank you for all that you do and I love you ‚̧

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Done with Flakey friends.

Recently it has become apparent that friends or¬†acquaintances¬†of mine ask me to do coffee, go for drinks, attend a movie or whatever social get together is thought of, but at the last-minute bail. Obviously I understand that things come up that force a date or get together to be rescheduled due to circumstance, but how many ‘allowances’ does one give?

I have one friend who is great at suggesting and planning, but horrendous at keeping track of their schedule and ends up double booking themselves then asks if we can reschedule. This isn’t a poor me entry, but I do often wonder why I’m the one they call first, not the other person. So being the forgiving and laid back one (often too laid back) I just agree and don’t think much of it (Probably why they call me first). Nonetheless its the same routine every time we arrange to get together, call, set up a date/time/place, and hang up. Date of Activity its “Hey, I’m SO busy I’ve got to reschedule!” Truth be told with this person I’ve stopped writing it down, after the 4th rescheduled date I quit caring, or allocating time for a flake, if I’m not worth your time, you aren’t going to be worth mine.

I’m one of those old-fashioned people who still uses a day timer to keep track of my days. So when I block off a time for someone, I don’t double book. I also have other people request a coffee or whatever and usually they get the “I’m busy” it’s usually because I am, there is the rare occasion that I’m just trying to avoid them and let them down nicely rather than man up and tell them I’d rather gut a fish than spend an hour over coffee with them. ¬†We’re all guilty of telling a white lie, don’t try to guilt me now or give me your look of disgust.

Not-so-recently I decided to start scheduling things, not leave it up to other people to ask me to do something and I’m noticing the same trend, so really it doesn’t matter who schedules, they still remain the flake. So this is my official¬†announcement¬†that I’m done engaging and trying to keep relationships with those who are “too busy” for me. I’m not going to be a door mat for them anymore and truth be told if what we have falls apart, I won’t lose sleep over it, I know what I did to keep things going, so evaluate what we have closely. I’m okay with parting ways, trust me. I’m not going to accommodate schedules anymore. I’m not going to initiate the phone call or text to hang out, I’m done with all of that. This past week through personal and business I’ve had a ton of Cancellations, and that’s fine, I’m a big girl I’ll get over it. ¬†My attempts to make an effort stop here though.

For those reading this… how much effort do you put into something before you eventually call it quits? Whether its¬†committing¬†to a goal or maintaining a relationship of sorts. Curious to know.

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