Dating in YYC

Dating! It’s supposed to be fun, or that’s what they say. “They” being either relationship experts or people lucky enough to have repeated success, but for those of us who seem to hit a dead-end, its anything but fun. Its hell, actually, and there’s no way of sugar-coating it. Now that isn’t to say that every date I go on I premeditate it to be a crappy one, in fact it’s quite the opposite! New guy, new opportunity, new chance, that’s fair right? There’s no comparing him to other guys I’ve been on dates with, it’s a brand new, fresh, clean slate of opportunity!

I will say the dates are usually fun, entertaining full of laughter and smiles. So why is there no second date? I’ve watched “He’s just not that into you” probably 100 times, because it’s a feel good movie that you can laugh at and relate to at certain times. I also have the book – which came first and then became a movie, and have learned a lot. The subtle clues of “this is going nowhere” seem to be spot on. Here’s my issue: Date goes well, at first there’s chemistry, we like the same things, we enjoy the same activities and all is well, he makes me laugh, he seems to be smiling and enjoying himself, not glancing to see where the closest exit is or clock watching. Usually as the conversation progresses to what the other does for a living, I’m passionate about what my business is, I love it so much and enjoy talking about it. Problem is, the guys I’ve dated get intimidated when I tell them what I do. Lines like “wow, you’re so driven!” or “You’re so passionate!” are two lines I hear so often and it has become the tell all sign of where this date is going: nowhere.

I’ve dated a spectrum of guys too, from Doctors to Lawyers, Pilots to Mechanics and all of the dates seem to peak, plateau and plummet all in one sitting. I have no idea what it is I’m doing and that’s what makes it frustrating. Is being driven, independent, self-aware, confident, successful, strong etc. Negative? Is being a full package that big of a turn off you want nothing more to do with me? It sure is how it feels. I know I am not alone. I know several woman who are just like me, awesome, fun, successful driven and single. These women worked so hard to have what they do, is it so much to ask to have someone to share that with? I’ll bet when a potential suitor first starts talking to them the question of “How are you single?” is a question they are often asked. I know I get it all the time. Truth is I have so much to offer outside of my business life just need the opportunity to show you.

When I’ve been fortunate enough to find myself in a relationship with someone the pre-breakup line I constantly hear is “You can do so much better than me.” Here it comes. On the surface me vs. a Doctor and being told that line is tough to fathom, but truth is I can do much better, the job title is just a title, if we don’t share the same morals, drive, grit etc., it won’t go anywhere. I think the worst thing a person can do is idolize their partner and look up to them as though they aren’t equal to them. Sorry but, I don’t care what job title you have, we are equal and our relationship isn’t a competition.

Last year I went on a date, a great date actually. So much so he repeatedly told me, I’d love to do this again, and was genuine and I so badly wanted it too. I was actually excited to hear from him the next day – but never did. Thats when it dawned on me, he gave me all the lines I always get when the date isn’t going anywhere after the first one. I seriously hoped that maybe he was strong enough to accept me for me, but I guess not. It had been a while that I was bummed out after not hearing from someone, the previous dates were all par for the course, but this guy blindsided me. Why do guys want girls who are either impressionable or moldable? I give those two options because its the how it seems on the outside. The girls who act like sheep, who do as their man tells them, dotes on him over and over, create drama out of nothing, cry over stupid things and get upset if he happens to want a guys night out, are in relationships?

Those girls are great for right now, but long-term, mothers and life partners they are not. So how long do the driven self-sufficient women have to wait before we get our chance to make someone’s world? To have our experience of happiness and unconditional love? If guys want to know where the good girls are, start door knocking on friday nights, chances are we’re marathoning the latest TV series new to Netflix, makeup less, in our sweats with a big bowl of popcorn. 😉

This post isn’t to come across as poor me, I’m hard done to, because I’m not, nor am I defined by my relationship status, its a simple observation that I wanted to get off my chest.

 

 

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4 Responses to Dating in YYC

  1. Erin says:

    Trying to figure out how to say this the right way. I know this can be a hot button issue & I am seriously not trying to offend. I think you know me well enough now to know that I would not intentionally do that. 🙂

    There are a lot of guys that DO like strong & passionate women, but sometimes first dates are just meant as a slow wade into things, as opposed to a cannon ball effect. Have you thought about keeping first date chat a little lighter, skim the surface of what you do & let them see that you truly love it, but save the substance for future dates? Sometimes teasers work better than just one big dive in, if you catch my drift. You might be running into guys that are left thinking:

    a) Whoa! Did I just find out everything about this girl? If she has told me all this already, is there much more to learn? Yawn.

    b) Holy! All I wanted was a drink, a chat and make sure there is mutual interest, not a life manifesto.

    c) OMG! Will this woman ever let me talk?!

    or some variant thereof.

    Like you, I am a girl that knows what she wants (or rather knew, but now has), but after a lot of first dates, both good and bad, I can tell you it quickly became a turn off when a guy shared too little or too much. There is that balance. You just to share enough of yourself that leaves them craving more. And more. And more. Dating in Calgary can be an especially dirty beast. I do not miss it.

    • CassieNeil says:

      Haha, Erin, no offence ever taken! I totally get where you’re coming from, I definitely don’t share much, I offer a little information with balance, and definitely let the conversation flow on both sides.

      I have been on dates where the guy is pedal to the metal and a constant talker so make sure the conversation is well rounded and equal on both parts.

      I’ll have to be extra aware that if I feel myself talking too much about a topic that I stop myself. I watch for their clues if they’re losing interest and shut it down if they are – which its not really longer than 4-5 sentences lol.

      If I do hear back from the guy, its usually skipping drinks and having bedroom invitations – of which I’m not that kind of girl either which puts me on a shorter list, I think? Can be confusing!

      • Erin says:

        There are a lot of frogs in this city. It’s why I ended up switching to lunch time dates, so no matter how it was going it was short & sweet – be it to get it over with, or leave us both wanting more. 😉 I did have a higher number of second dates this way & at least you know that you can tolerate the company long enough for a meal.

      • CassieNeil says:

        Smart! Haha, Lunches and coffees!

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