Done with Flakey friends.

Recently it has become apparent that friends or acquaintances of mine ask me to do coffee, go for drinks, attend a movie or whatever social get together is thought of, but at the last-minute bail. Obviously I understand that things come up that force a date or get together to be rescheduled due to circumstance, but how many ‘allowances’ does one give?

I have one friend who is great at suggesting and planning, but horrendous at keeping track of their schedule and ends up double booking themselves then asks if we can reschedule. This isn’t a poor me entry, but I do often wonder why I’m the one they call first, not the other person. So being the forgiving and laid back one (often too laid back) I just agree and don’t think much of it (Probably why they call me first). Nonetheless its the same routine every time we arrange to get together, call, set up a date/time/place, and hang up. Date of Activity its “Hey, I’m SO busy I’ve got to reschedule!” Truth be told with this person I’ve stopped writing it down, after the 4th rescheduled date I quit caring, or allocating time for a flake, if I’m not worth your time, you aren’t going to be worth mine.

I’m one of those old-fashioned people who still uses a day timer to keep track of my days. So when I block off a time for someone, I don’t double book. I also have other people request a coffee or whatever and usually they get the “I’m busy” it’s usually because I am, there is the rare occasion that I’m just trying to avoid them and let them down nicely rather than man up and tell them I’d rather gut a fish than spend an hour over coffee with them.  We’re all guilty of telling a white lie, don’t try to guilt me now or give me your look of disgust.

Not-so-recently I decided to start scheduling things, not leave it up to other people to ask me to do something and I’m noticing the same trend, so really it doesn’t matter who schedules, they still remain the flake. So this is my official announcement that I’m done engaging and trying to keep relationships with those who are “too busy” for me. I’m not going to be a door mat for them anymore and truth be told if what we have falls apart, I won’t lose sleep over it, I know what I did to keep things going, so evaluate what we have closely. I’m okay with parting ways, trust me. I’m not going to accommodate schedules anymore. I’m not going to initiate the phone call or text to hang out, I’m done with all of that. This past week through personal and business I’ve had a ton of Cancellations, and that’s fine, I’m a big girl I’ll get over it.  My attempts to make an effort stop here though.

For those reading this… how much effort do you put into something before you eventually call it quits? Whether its committing to a goal or maintaining a relationship of sorts. Curious to know.

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3 Responses to Done with Flakey friends.

  1. Angela says:

    Hmmmm … interesting. I do my best to understand the reasoning behind someone flaking out but if it’s a habit, I’d probably stop scheduling anything with that person.

    My pet peeve is showing up late for dates/appointments. You’re telling me your time is more valuable than mine, especially if you can’t bother to somehow let me know if you’re going to be late. So I will, without hesitation, get up and leave after waiting for 15 minutes. And when you text to say ‘I’m here, I’m here,’ I’ll text back, saying ‘thanks but I had somewhere else to be.’

    My other reason for dropping friends is their attitude, although I have a higher tolerance for this. I went six years of friendship with one individual, constantly being criticized by her and absorbing her negativity. I recently removed her from my life and haven’t looked back. I also attempted a friendship with a Twitter friend but every conversation with her was about how much her life sucked, how much her job sucked, how much this and that sucked.

    I’m not one to sit around to wait for life to change for me. I go out and change it. And I don’t have the patience to listen to anyone whine while she waits for life to change.

    Crap … does any of that make sense?

    You make me rant.

  2. zen4tune says:

    I had a similar situation recently. For years, I understood that this “friend” had social anxiety and self esteem issues. Recently she was in a really bad place and I tried to be there for her. But she I feel like she didn’t take the help that anyone gave her and isn’t trying to do anything about her issues… so I’m done (you can only put in so much and if that person isn’t putting any effort in than it’s a waste of your time). I don’t even invite her out anymore… our relationship is now randomly commenting on FB.

  3. Courtney says:

    I am that friend who always makes the trips to visit her friends that live far away and always makes the time to plan get togethers with friends. I’ve recently cut back on it quite a bit just to see who notices and cares and its surprising. I was a little hurt by some who haven’t made any effort and not surprised by others but overall I’m better for knowing and good on you for making the change too!

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