Texting and Relationships


Through expanding Social Media sites, easy access to email and internet, how often have we found others, or even ourselves glued to our phones, whether it’s to find out the latest gossip from a girlfriend, to update a facebook status or tweet about how ridiculously delicious the food you’re eating is? We all do it. It’s so easy to instantly have someone’s attention through text; since they probably have their phone in hand anyway; and its pretty easy to share how you feel about someone or something because words don’t seem as hard to say hiding behind a screen or phone, there is no emotion to words, it’s simply how you choose to read it, unless of course they add an emoticon that indicates what the emotion of the text is; although its pretty rare that happens.

The whole texting and trying to establish or maintain a relationship was a topic I was asked to write about. How do I feel about it? As an avid texter/tweeter/facebooker myself it was tough for me to take a step back and really put myself up on the chopping block, unknowingly at first. After consciously watching myself and how much I use my phone I’m one to blame for constantly using my phone as a means of communication through text message, BBM, twitter, facebook, etc. very rarely do I pick up my phone to make a phone call (unless work related). That being said, after throwing myself under the bus I realize that there are many more like me, but in no way do I believe it is an acceptable method to starting a relationship.

Lets face it, whether we’re male or female we all do it; it’s much easier to send a quick text to see how someone is doing, and normally; within seconds you get a response. It’s much easier than making a phone call; the phone call could catch someone in the bathroom, in a meeting, in a tanning bed or wherever. You may have just shaken your head and either agreed with me or think what I just said is completely outlandish and completely unlikely, that’s up to you. I think some of us have more of a tendency to make up excuses for why we can’t call someone and instead fire off a text message, at least that way they see we’re making an effort to talk to them, and although it’s entirely impersonal you’ve done your part, now its up to them to return it on their time, or be the one who makes the call. This is an okay way to check up on your partner in a relationship, but by no means should texting be a way to learn more about your partners needs, wants or desires.

I’m old fashioned in the sense I liked to be ASKED out on dates. That means picking up the phone, giving me a call, and arranging a destination to meet at. I mean chances are if the girl (or guy) is talking to you non-stop through text, the likelihood of them denying your proposal to go for lunch/dinner/coffee is unlikely, asking through text messaging seems so easy, and not all women will be impressed with your rejection-friendly method, texting. Same rule applies to women. If I’m not important enough for a phone call, then why would I make you important enough for me to go on a date with? I’ve rejected people through text more often times than I have through a phone call, and I will tell you, in times of rejection over the phone, I have changed my mind depending how mature they handle it (that’s not to say that I take pity on every guy I reject over the phone, I may just not be that interested, so don’t bother either of our time). (Wo)Man Up! Make the person you want to go for dinner with a priority, giving them your undivided and full attention PICK UP THE PHONE!

Although I’m guilty of it, I’d suggest not sharing absolutely everything about your day with someone, unless you aren’t going to see them later. Make text messages short and sweet and let them know you will fill them in on the day’s happenings when you see them that night. Venting your frustrations or sharing your day through text message may feel good when you’re doing it, as they are the outlet, but if you tell them everything, what will you talk about when you next see them? I have a tendency to feel like I’m being ignored when I don’t get a response (almost) immediately. Blackberry’s biggest fault was creating a mini chat like feature on BBM allowing me to monitor and watch if someone has read my text message. Now, in my case I don’t really care if I don’t get a response right away, but that’s not the case with everyone. Not everyone understands that there are distractions in life that prevent you from replying right away, and that’s fine; what begins to grind my gears is after an hour or two hours of nothing, I begin to get a little worried. I can totally understand if you can’t talk, but shoot me a message while you’re on a pee break or something to let me know that, so I don’t assume you’ve been hospitalized or hit by a car.

Now that you know my thoughts on picking up the phone and making the call to ask someone out, you could only imagine how I feel about breakup texts. Although it’s never happened to me, thankfully, I will admit that I have done the whole “we’re not working, I think we’re better off not seeing each other” text, but I was younger and I wouldn’t think about doing that now. I’m a firm believer that for breakups you should really meet face to face, but in a worst case scenario pick up the phone and call. Whether you want one or not you have a Reputation, a red strike or green strike against you is all in your hands, you could be the asshole that every guy/girl loves to talk about, or you could be the respectful guy or girl who respectfully decided to end things and move on peacefully. The world is big, but not that big, so chances are they’ll know someone you could know in the future or even know now that could force you to be seated around a table with, you don’t want to look like a woman scorned, or a guy who can’t get over his ex, so try not to burn any bridges, and keep things light. Drama is for the theatre, not our lives.


About CassieNeil

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One Response to Texting and Relationships

  1. Anonymous says:

    Really? Whenever I’m doing something I put my phone away until I have nothing to do, or wanna call someone. I think you’re just addicted to the crack-berry.

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