Commitment Issue and the Ultimatum

So a girlfriend of mine asked me to write about my thoughts and feelings about her relationship situation. I didn’t feel it was fair to write my opinion on it until I knew the final outcome, I’d hate to come across as the unsupportive friend in an entry she specifically
asked me to write.

To give a quick run down on the background of it she’s been in a long-term relationship with a guy who can’t commit 100% he is super attached to his family; which conveniently can’t stand her. My friend wants to move onto the next chapter of their life and settle down and start a family. But his family want nothing to do with her, let alone welcome her into their family.

With all that said, she wrote a letter to his family(since they won’t talk on the phone or meet with her face to face) asking for forgiveness, asking for them all to let the past be the past and if they would be willing to allow her and their son to begin the next chapter of their life together. Their response was that of  typical small-minded folk who would hold a grudge against a cat for peeing in their flower garden; forgiving someone of a small mistake that was made years prior wasn’t happening. She gave her man an option to choose between her or his family.

I’m Switzerland again in this situation, although I lean toward the commitment side and feel as though that he needed to step up to the plate and make the onus to the girl he said he loved. Being placed in his shoes and being forced to decide between starting his own family or staying with his nest, may be an easy or difficult decision for some. For him it was difficult and he couldn’t leave his parents.

He’s 28 years old; so it’s not like he’s 18 and faced with an ultimatum. I believe we all come to a certain point in our lives where we either take the plunge or back out. But even after their previous commitment talks about marriage etc.  I felt he’d go through the motions of sharing the conversations but not actually feel them. As an outsider looking in, its easy for my to formulate my own opinion and perception of the situation I could`ve been wrong.

By no means is this post meant to bash anyone or pick sides. I don`t know if giving an ultimatum was fair, as that`d be no decision I`d want to make, but alas I`m supportive of the outcome. I’m happy for her. I’m glad she got rid of someone who either can’t, or isn’t willing to commit and provide her with what she deserves. Not to make this sound like a relationship profile or a sales pitch, but she is an amazing young independent woman, who runs two business’ and doesn’t make excuses. She’s one of the strongest women I know, and deserves someone who can meet her in the middle emotionally, sexually, and intellectually; he couldn’t.  As for him I wish him luck, I don’t doubt that the next girl he shares his life will be treated well. No matter how good the shoe looks, if it’s too big, it won’t fit. Much like this relationship, it wasn’t a perfect match, and there are just way too many shoes to try on to settle for something mediocre; pick something that makes you stand out. All eyes are on you.

Much love and all the support to my friend in this time.

Question of the blog is:
At what time or point in your life did you leave the nest?
If that question doesn’t apply to you, then how long do you hang onto a relationship in hopes the commitment is taken to the next level before drawing the line?


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2 Responses to Commitment Issue and the Ultimatum

  1. I was raised to oppose the ultimatum – if someone lays something down… pick ME or THIS, well, that’s an automatic choice against the person who made the demand, regardless of what I actually want to do… Now, in her situation, her demands make sense, or her desires at the very least – but asking someone to give up their family is a lot like asking someone to give up their legs – in a close family, they’ll be there for you no matter what, and they provide a strong emotional foundation and safety net… chances are they would have accepted her long before he ever would have considered cutting ties to them.

    For her, leaving was the better choice – asking him to make a choice he could never make was pointless and probably hurtful to both of them.

  2. Courtney says:

    I left the nest at 18. My family is always supportive of me but I make my choices and live my life for myself since I’ve been 18.
    I have a 3 year rule, if after 3 years they haven’t committed time to move on… Which I guess is what I’m currently attempting to do.
    Well written Cass 🙂

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