Not long ago I had a friend of mine give me a scenario and then asked me who’s in the wrong. I’ll give the scenario and break it down being “Switzerland.” I don’t know the other person, and instead of immediately jumping to my friends side; which a good friend would, I had to give pro’s and cons for both sides. They didn’t tell me until afterward which side they were on, allowing me to really give my opinion, but also potentially hurt feelings.
Scenario: Someone thought something was up with their partner, and found out the other person was cheating, how they found out was by snooping through text messages on their phone, they snooped because the other person was being evasive and hiding their phone when their S.O. asked who they were talking to or to see . *not exactly word for word*
My thoughts on the Snooper:
What kind of relationship are you setting yourself up for if already you haven’t got trust that your partner is committed to you and only you. Granted they may have given warning signs that something was up. My suggestion? Address it by asking. Which the person did, but still something ate at them, thus forcing them to snoop or to second guess their partner. If at all you begin to question your partner I can only tell you the relationship is going south. I don’t agree with invading someone’s privacy, there are plenty of ways to figure out through conversation and reading body language to determine if you’re being lied to or not. If you still aren’t sure, what is your gut telling you? I’ve yet to have my gut tell me something wrong, Our gut has no brain, but a ton of feeling, don’t fight it, listen to it. When something isn’t right, you feel woozy and weird; when something is good your gut flutters, you know what I’m talking about, tune into that feeling.
Thoughts on the Cheater:
Why say you’re committed to someone if your eyes are wandering elsewhere? I have no time for cheaters. To be honest I probably hate this person more than the snooper. I myself have never cheated on someone and I’m not sure I could. The one point that I quite honestly can’t comprehend why you’d waste the time of someone who is committed to a relationship and you. The other person deserves to be treated with respect and if you feel it necessary to spread your legs or let your friend out of your pants to anything that walks, I’d suggest not committing to anything, OR let the person know your relationship is open. The consequences for ones actions not only affect the person they’ve slept with, but themselves, and their “partner.”
After stating my opinion on both situations the question of who is more wrong arose. At this point is arguing the semantics over who is more wrong even worth it? Regardless of who’s ‘right’ or whose ‘wrong’ this relationship isn’t even worth pursuing. If you’re with someone who either won’t commit due to insecurities or because they wish to be friends with everyone, why are you wasting your time? My friend came back saying “well I guess I have NO choice.” Well actually you do… your choices are If you continue to date, you let everyone know that you’ll allow anyone to walk over you, and that you have absolutely no backbone to stand up for yourself. Trust will become a big issue, they tell you they’re going out with a friend of drinks, in the back of your mind you will question that, and it will eat at your subconscious, creating more stress and uncertainty of their whereabouts. If you stand ground, tell the person things are over and its time for them to take a hike, you’ll feel better about yourself and be relatively stress free. See? Choices. You just have to determine your own worth. I know that being in a relationship is great, but go for someone that’s not going to make you have any doubt about where they are, or who they are talking to, go for someone who will be committed, help you succeed and make you a better person.
I’m no relationship expert but the person came to me for advice and had mentioned that I offered a lot of insight and it had helped them make their decision, simply by using supporting facts to my points. Sometimes being on the outside looking in can allow you to believe in and say things you might not have been able to, if you were placed in their shoes. For anyone that is faced in either of these situations and are asking “What do I do?” End it. There are plenty of charismatic hotties with a head on their shoulder that will catch your eye. Don’t settle for decent, go for the best, because you deserve the best.