The other day I was thinking about life, and what other people around me were doing. I’ve recently had a couple of friends just up and leave, almost over night to go tackle life in their own way, may that be taking over a restaurant and focusing on their passion to be a small business owner, or moving several provinces to be with the ones they care about most, and it had me thinking “What was I doing for myself?” All these people had little to no problem chasing after their dreams and aspirations. Some of them continued their relationships where others didn’t. Although some of them were focused on their family and future with others, many were also a bit more independent, looking after themselves first and leaving those they cared about behind. I’m not saying either is good nor bad, as it is all situational, and really, who am I to tell them whats right or wrong.
In the times these people left I would ask myself, won’t they miss me? Don’t they value our friendship? Truth is, although they may miss their friends, their surroundings they are doing what they want. Could I say that I was doing the same? I felt as though I was living my life for others, living my life trying to win people over, ensure they liked me, make sure I was doing what made my parents proud, but really not reaping much of a reward. It dawned on me that it was time to take the reins of my own destiny and not rely on others to dictate or tell me how it should or would go. Do I fault those who’ve created their own path and left me behind? Not at all, if anything their own decisions have only opened my mind up further to focus on what I want to do. That’s not to say I wish they left sooner so I could have a wakeup call and contemplate life and what I was doing, because those who I continue to stay in contact with remain good friends.
I also realized that in times where someone is faced with their own challenge or big decision, you cannot force your way in, you cannot force yourself to be apart of their future, because they either want you in it or don’t. Coming to the realization that they may never have pictured you in their future at all, or only temporarily until they found something or someone better, hurts like hell, although better to learn it now, than to learn it 5, 10, or 15 years down the road. Too often I find myself putting others before me, trying to help them in tough times, in making a difficult decision, yet never seem to focus enough on myself, commonly ending up getting hurt, emotionally or mentally; If had I just taken a moment to think of myself first, it could have all been avoided. Why should I focus on others more than myself? The answer to that is I shouldn’t, those who are a friend, don’t need me to earn their friendship, those I share my time with romantically shouldn’t question my whereabouts (who I’m with) or my commitment to them, it should be known. Taking a step back and sorting out the weeds from the flowers can be difficult, but in the end having a ‘Perfect garden’ full of healthy relationships is a lot nicer and easier to deal with, than the ‘garden’ that is beyond repair.
My questions to those of you who took the time to read this… What is it you’re doing for yourself? If you left someone behind , why? If you continued your path with them, Why?