I hate the dating scene. I enjoy being in a relationship, but I’m so sick of the trial and error phases, figuring out if we’re compatible, and if not, starting over with someone else. Although recently I went out with some friends, and I had no intention of trying to meet someone, but being a young cutie like I am I did,(ignore my self egostroke) and feel its only fair to share how it all shook down, to provide reasoning for why I dislike dating so much.
To set the scenario, we were at a pub crowded around the bar when we ran into one another. Conversation at first was fine, asking questions like what we did for a living, what area of the city we lived in etc. When I was asked the question what I did for a living I gave a straight answer saying I was a banker,he replied with oh I used to work at (insert bank name) for “x” years, so I asked him what he did currently. That only opened up Pandora’s box about what he used to do. Instead of getting a straight answer, I got answers such as “Well I travelled all around California, working alongside *name* (some author who wrote a motivational book – I won’t name names; would hate for someone to think this was about them) then I moved to BC and worked with another Author” (Another motivational book writer). But when asked what he did for that Author or with the Author, my question was ignored. Since I couldn’t get a straight answer out of the person, I slowly began to figure out the type of guy I was dealing with, the guy who’s “been there and done it all” yet doesn’t have anything to show for it. He also mentioned he’d been a rep for Molson, which made sense, seeing as the guy standing in front of me was totally into himself, the type to check himself out in storefront windows, not the merchandise in them. Within 5 minutes of the conversation I could have guessed this career choice for him. He didn’t conduct himself in a manner that reflected poise and maturity like the people he once associated himself with would, but more of a club goer- ladies man.( so he portrays himself or thinks he is). After listening to him speak for so long I think it was time I grab another drink, because he wasn’t finished, and I’d need another Double vodka water to make it through part two of the conversation. While I took a quick intermission to collect myself from wanting to die of laughter, and bite my tongue from any sarcastic comments that may crush his gigantic ego, he took a phone call.
After grabbing my drink and allowing him to take an “important phone call” ( I quote it because chances are it was just a friend, but he of course has to sound like “the man” with all the solutions to everyone’s problems) I couldn’t resist to mention something sarcastic about the way he conducted himself on the phone, loud enough that he could hear me, and although couldn’t verbally respond, it forced him to make a face at me. Again, if the call were that important, he’d leave the vicinity, but alas I wasn’t dealing with a gentleman. Once he got off the phone – my question about what he did for a living still went unanswered, I decided to avoid mentioning it again. We then talked about Social media; something he felt passionate about(and something I’m not at all familiar with), he also felt the need to make a dumbass comment saying ” I’ve pretty much got a social media degree, given all the work with the social media guru’s I’ve spent time with.” I couldn’t even think of a positive comment or anything polite, so “oh” slipped from my mouth. To which he then told me he was “pretty much unemployable” I had to ask him to say it twice because I actually couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I’m no pick up expert, but saying two stupid things within a 5 minute span, proved how uneducated he was it made sense he’d be unemployed with comments like those (so much for his “social media degree”) and sure wouldn’t be going further than our encounter. I resisted all urges from facepalming and decided to suck back my drink a little faster, drink three would be needed in a few seconds. New drink in hand, and I’m start making excuses that I should really talk to a friend before I have to go, thankfully he picked up on the subtle “I don’t care to talk anymore” but did feel the need to offer a business card, incase we needed to “connect” (his word not mine)
Anytime I’ve been “business carded” (I call it that because, I feel a business card should only be passed off in business situations), or unless I’m asking for it, I throw the card out. When someone offers a business card I feel like a sale, or I’ve just been promo’d. I worked in the club industry, I know exactly what handing out a business card means to a group of men, for me that meant, money. None-the-less I took the card, hoping that maybe I’d get the answer I’d been waiting to hear for the last 45 minutes, and instead on the card was some made up company name, no address, and more than several ways to contact him through like telephone, fax, facebook, twitter, linkedin and morse code, okay, not morse code, but I’m not kidding when I say that there were roughly 10 different contact methods to reach him.. Will I ever contact him? No. Quite simply even if he hadn’t been a numskull and he’d been the exact opposite of what he was and I’d been carded, I wouldn’t call either. Just something impersonal about throwing out a business card, want to “connect” ask me for my number. By no means is he a bad guy his intentions I believe are good, he was simply looking for someone to network with or find employment with.
Stay tuned for more hilarious disaster conversations.