Dear Jwoww

Dear Jwoww,

Holy SHIT. Not the best way to start a letter, but at least I mustered up the courage to start writing you. I think many would agree that this letter itself is a giant step for anyone facing a battle axe bitch such as yourself.

When you first came onto the show my jaw hit the floor, let’s face it, it wasn’t your beauty (or lack of) but your GIANT boobs that practically hit me in the face through my television set. I’m surprised you don’t have an electric scooter to get around on(with or without a scooter you do just fine “getting around,” I’m sure). I can’t imagine how difficult it must be on your back to not only stay upright, but walk around in your stripper heels and hang off Pauly D. (He’s gotta be really strong to hold you in some of the positions he’s held you in when you two were “dancing”-ew). Since we’re on the topic of looks and we’ve already addressed your favorite part of your body, obviously your “eyes”… Next is your hair. Like I said my jaw hit the floor and I can’t say for only one reason. I’d suggest losing the random streaks of yellow through your hair. Skunk look was never in, so let’s cut your loses and fire your hairdresser.

At first you seemed to be pretty relaxed, and collected, for all of 30 seconds. Then you started running your mouth, which prepped me for the remainder of the season and quickly put you on my “least favorites” list. I have ask the question, is your ex Tom, gay? I can’t understand why a guy would stay with a girl who’s probably got more testosterone and bigger balls than he does. But it totally makes sense that you cheated on him, whether you didn’t (or did) hook up with Pauly D during your time at the shore. I’ll give you some props though, the guy is your hottest house mate and a DJ (you know where I’m going with that) So good on you.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t surprised after Snooki got punched in the face, that you didn’t go after the guy yourself, what kind of butch bitch are you? You punched “The Situation” for not walking you to your room, but couldn’t back your “girl” up. Disappointed.

J-Poww!

J-Poww

To end off on a good note though, please know I do feel bad for you, being dragged up(not raised, like the rest of us) must’ve been difficult and your silent cries for someone to care are noticed… Yet unheard.

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